I remember being 11 years old, and having a girlie sleep over, with my two best friends, Abbie, and Sally. We were all going through a bit of a Wicca phase, in our lives, and decided that we were going to do some spells. We played a game where we got some dominoes, and faced them all down. We then had to pick the one we felt most drawn to. Each time they would be shuffled around, so we had no idea where any particular dominoes were.
Each domino symbolised a different meaning. Meanings I got out of a teenage girl's magazine, such as Mizz or Sugar...
There was a specific domino that I kept picking up. It was the double blank. This domino symbolised very bad luck. I remember picking it up 6 times in a row, despite the girls swapping it, and hiding it amongst the other dominoes as best as they could. We all freaked out a bit, and had a giggle, then settled down, with some popcorn, and a film. It was during this film that I had a serious case of bad tooth ache. I had it all throughout the following day, and tried to sleep it off for most of it. The next day, I was taken into hospital, as my tooth had become infected. The infection had spread up to my eye, and made the right side of my face puff out... Think Rihanna, after she had been beaten up!
I was in hospital for about a week. Doctor's couldn't figure out the problem, and if they had left it for much longer, I would have gone blind in one eye.
During my time here, I had to have a lot of treatment involving a lot of needles, including a syringe, just below my eye. This treatment had me develop a phobia.
Over the years, I've had to have injections, here and there, when absolutely necessarily, and there have always been tears involved. As I've grown older, I've become less afraid, and taught myself to deal with these situations in a better way.
Today, I had to have 3 injections, and 3 fillings. This was the first time that I had an injection, where I haven't had someone holding my hand. It was a big fucking deal!
So, with that out of the way, I had to then face the next thing life was going to throw at me... And it did indeed throw... Hard.
I've described this feeling, as it's like my life is symbolising a jigsaw puzzle. Not a perfect jigsaw puzzle, maybe due to the picture, the colours, or even the shape, but it's been completed up to a certain point, as perfectly as possible. Now, it's as if I have been given a new piece, with which I am supposed to try and fit into my already partly-completed, but progressing puzzle. It doesn't seem to be able to fit anywhere, but now that I have been handed this piece, I don't want to have to necessarily get rid of it, and have to find a way of dealing with it.
I've spent my day downloading music I've recently discovered, either through my own doing, or being introduced by other people. I don't know what it is about this music in particular, but it has helped me deal with my emotions more effectively, and has helped me through this strange time. So thank you. (I literally don't know what I'd do in a life without music)!
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